Sick of nagging and yelling?
Sounding like a broken record?
Had enough of getting to work tired and exhausted?
Are you getting your child ready for starting school?
Or tearing your hair out because you're starting to sound like a screaming banshee and your child is only in year 1 or 2. There are a lot of school years to go...!
Here at School's Coming, we're passionate about seeing every child and parent have the ideal start to every school day.
Juggling the load between home, work, full calendars and raising kids can be hectic. We want to help you with some key ingredients to making your school mornings amazing.
School's Coming, a kit for empowering kids to create and organise their own morning routine shares useful and practical tips and tools.
Tried and tested, Genevieve Matthews and her family have used these to get their routine on track, to reduce the yelling, teach teamwork and encourage harmony even on the busiest of days over the last few years. Integrated into these and the hard copy resources are theories from neuro-linguistic programming and human behavioural therapies.
Please enjoy the tips below to help you and your family.
Genevieve is available as a speaker at events or for 1-1 family consultations to help improve your mornings, understand human behaviour (adult and child alike) and how to raise confident and happy kids.
Feelings of guilt and failure can take over, because you loose it at your kids most mornings, or you're always running late, or perhaps you're the doing it all for your child. This too will have an impact, as they're not learning to fend or care for themselves.
You're not alone with concerns and challenges, as the morning school routine is a bain of life for many parents.
Get everyone on the same page, talking the same language and getting on with 'their' jobs and out the door on time to school. Have your ideal start to every school day in the years to come!

Top 9 Tips for Smooth School Mornings

Talk about the importance and value of establishing a routine, even as a small child. Focus on helping kids understand why the routine matters and how things like teamwork and kindness are REALLY important.
For example: "If I'm having to tell you what to do every step of the way and then needing to nag or yell at you because things are not done is neither kind nor teamwork. What could be some ways we could work better together to have some routine and make our mornings more fun? What jobs can you do and what jobs do you need help with? These are what I'll do" Listen to their ideas and/or make suggestions to split the load.

Get rid of judgement, expectations or assumptions. You may think your child 'should' be able to do things when they start out at school, or perhaps you think they 'can't or don't know how'. Start fresh and sets standards around what's important for you all as a family rather than set expectations to live up to.
Sometimes we have to take a step back from what we think they should/have to be able to do and get curious. If you keep doing things for them or reminding them every step of the way, they won't learn how to think for themselves or set up responsible habits and routine. Do you still want to be doing that when they are 12, 16, 22?

What are you OK with and what are you NOT ok with? Where is the line in the sand?Boundaries correlate specifically to your values (what's important) so you need to be clear on what those boundaries are).
For example: Safety and kindness are two of our highest values as a family, so I will be very firm if my kids are being unsafe (hurting each other) or being unkind (hurting each other more)? - Or unkind - being lazy and not cleaning up their room, making a bed, certain tasks that matter in our household. Remember these are your boundaries and are reflective of what matters for you and your happy harmonious household.

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' morning routine! Be committed and consistent. If you give up, your child will too. Rather than nag and control what they're supposed to be doing... encourage them to create their own routine order for getting things done.
Each time you ask them to do something, it's reducing their need to think, be responsible themselves, their own initiative may be impacted, their ability to organise their own time and order of tasks/jobs? Do check in... see how they're tracking, however NO telling them what to do every step of the way.

No more nagging. It takes practice to stop doing it and yes, you're human, so you'll catch yourself every now and then still asking those same old questions. Here are our favourite questions to ask. Empowering questions that encourage your child to be in charge of their own routine and order of jobs.
How's your routine tracking?
Where are you up to in your routine?
Looks like you are getting through your routine. Do you need a hand with anything?
Need a hand with your routine?

Remove 'Don't, Just, Try and But' from your vocab.
Don't - is actually 'telling' the unconscious mind to 'do'. For example; 'Don't forget your sunscreen..!' - the mind will hear 'Do forget your sunscreen' - use words like remember, keep, focus.
Just - minimises - think about when you use it.... "can you just put your shoes on" - there is no just to it. Just as a word adds no value to the sentence.
Try - in the words of Yoda, do or do not, there is no try. Encourage kids to do things, rather than 'try' things. Like tying up shoe laces - use 'have a go at tying up your laces'.
But - negates everything you have said prior to using the word!

We're a reflection of our children, as they are a reflection of us. If we're stressed out, disorganised, distracted, running late, multi-tasking - chances are they we'll be feeling the impact. Stop, slow down, breath, remember less is more. Bring it back to the basics. Keep it really simple.
Take a look at your own routine. It's easy to fall into the trap of trying to do everything, that extra load of washing, checking your emails, then before you know it, the morning is getting away from you. Yell a few instructions, they're off in their 'fairyland; distracted, playing... have your own good, effective routine and then encourage them to start learning how to do the same. In the early years, you will need to help them along with creating their 'ideal' routine and it does not need to match, how you would do it. Let them figure it out with help not commands.

Make time and really listen. Put down the phone, be at eye level, walk side by side, chat in the car, go into the same room rather than yell between rooms. Really listen to what is going on for them. Not only the obvious "spoken" words, what is not being said. What is really going on for them behind the scenes.
For this you may want to explore and learn more about human behaviour. Understand what beliefs, attitudes, values and metaprograms (their innate personality) will trigger certain emotional responses and behaviours, whether conscious or unconscious. The more you get to know and learn about this, the better chance you have of communicating in many different ways with your amazing and fascinating child/ren.

Life's too short to not have fun. And school goes for a very very long time. Years and years in fact. Make sure you're building in and making time for the fun stuff. For us that is morning snuggles, tickles, laughter, play activities or getting dressed with our favourite songs blasting. It's for making the mundane, make us laugh instead, racing to see who is quickest to get dressed, who can pack up and clean up the quickest or who can create funny sandwich decorations or pack their own lunchbox.
Whatever works in your household to help you get the 'Happy' chemicals flowing like dopamine, seratonin, oxytocin and endorphins. Truly great benefits come from helping kids achieve little milestones in their morning, laughing out loud, helping kids feel valued and important, giving and receiving hugs etc. Mornings are not for crying over spilled milk. Have perspective and remember not to sweat the small stuff.
Play and Experience
- How to have the best start to every morning
- What's important for your family members
- Ways to start conversations and talk openly
- More structure and routine getting ready
- How to make school mornings fun
- Kids flourishing with encouragement and routine
- The benefits of love and calm on those hectic mornings

"Rather than tell a child what to do, show and teach them how to be!"
Genevieve Matthews
According to studies by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, some key factors for success for a child transitioning from early childhood education and care settings to school are to:
- build on children’s prior and current experiences;
- ensure children have active role in preparing in partnership with families;
- assist children to understand transitions, routines and practices of the settings they are moving to and feel comfortable with this process;
- help children negotiate changes in status or identity;
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A distraught parent asked me yesterday.... what to do about their morning routine or lack of it?
Jamie Cockerill, dad of 5 year old and new school starterWe sought your counsel as our son needed a gentle push to focus and apply himself to various tasks. By utilising the recommendations, the positive reinforcement such as acknowledgement for completing a task, and having him feel he is working as part of a team in the morning, we have experienced positive results! Furthermore, he asks to read your book School’s Coming as he is visual learner and connects with the characters, being your two children. I highly recommend the use of your positive feedback / team work methodology and your book as a visual reinforcement. Well done and thank you!

"Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning.
But for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood."
Fred Rogers
Amber Burbidge - Mum of 5 year old and new school starterGetting my son out the door for kindy has involved a lot of bribing and mostly me dressing him and doing everything just to get out the door on time. Decided this has to stop for school next year but wasn't sure how effective I would be. Using the School's Coming cards has provided me the framework to start this routine. Getting my son's involvement in sorting the order he wants to do things was a fun and positive experience. Now with a reference point we can both work from, I'm sure by the time he starts school we will have the routine down pat and a much less stressful morning period.
Samantha Millward - Mum of 5 year old and new school starterMy son is starting school next year and reading School’s Coming in bed at night has certainly helped him step up his level of responsibility when getting ready each morning. I find since having read the book a few times he is more eager to dress himself, pack his bag and be a real team player. We hi-5 every accomplishment in the morning which motivates him to do it better and faster next time. Thank you for sharing this book with us. It’s really helped in so many ways.