Too Black or White?

Too black or white


When we’re being too black or white, we’re only looking at something from one perspective, or another. We’re limiting our field of vision, our perspective and our choices. If we think of something as only good or bad, black or white, right or wrong – there is no choice. It helps to start thinking about choice, about possibility, about opportunities, about all the possible solutions and ways to move forward. There is no right or wrong way to parent, we are simply (yet there is nothing simple about it – is there?!) doing the best we can on any given day. Children come with no manual or instruction booklet. Every child is different as we as parents are different, we are all unique in our own genetic make-up and in our way. We’ve modelled (copied or learnt from) our parents and carers as we’ve grown, and similiarly our children will model us and their carers and teachers. If we only see things one way, then this is how our children will do it too. Start to look for the options, rather than give a child only one solution or one way of doing something, empower them with choice. It feeds a creative mind and enables a better problem solving skillset because they will start to look for options, choices and the different ways to do things rather than only think there is one solution or another.

Be aware of your own black and white thinking, when it is limiting you, hindering you and holding you back? Likely professionally and personally. Do you ever feel like there is only one way to do something, or do you find different ways to tackle a situation? I recall a time when our daughter started standing up on her chair. At first we kept saying ‘Don’t stand on your chair! You could fall off…’ and it didn’t really work. For one because the unconscious doesn’t process a negative. We started saying what we wanted instead what we didnt’ want. For example, we’d say “Either sit on your chair, or stand on the floor and if you’re still eating your dinner, your chair would be ideal. Or have you finished your dinner? Then what do you need to ask please ask?… and so the conversation could continue. Quite quickly, the choices gave her the realisation that she could decide and we’d end up with the result we wanted. Either a child sitting down or she’d asked to leave the table.

I recall though, mum questioning our variety of choices, the generation before us, weren’t given too much choice, so they believe why should this generation now. I choose to give more choice, it works in our family, it works well. One child relishes it, whilst I see the other one still needing to develop and strengthen his problem solving skills and ability to consider all the options. So we keep working at it and as we all know – it’s all a work in progress.